Sunday, May 22, 2005
Teasing
I spent shabbos afternoon teasing this girl who is 25 and single about not being married. Me also being 25 and single. And she has had a lot of pressure to go out with me. But I'm not really interested (she may or may not be, it hasn't really affected me). But that didn't stop me rom teasing her to no end.
I used to be a really nice guy. Always doing things for girls, saying nice things, helping out. I got no attention. Always the bridesmaid...
But at some point I picked up on what I thought was just a pop-culture phenomenon, but is apparently an actual reality to some degree. Girls like tough guys. They like the rebel, they like the edge, they like the assertiveness, they like the control. Obviously this is to varying degrees. And it's not like they like evil. It's just that the angel-guys seem to get overlooked as not manly enough. So over the years I've developed a more complex persona, where I can be more aggressive and less passive. Or at least act the part. And it's worked. At least to some degree. I mean, it's not like some magic potion that has girls falling at my feet. But at least throughout the last few years there have been some girls that were interested to varying degrees.
But it really is bad middos (characteristics). It is mean, no matter if it wins hearts in the short run. And it really is only because I'm bored and want attention that I do it. It's not Tachlis (for any purpose). It really is just to shake things up. Of course, there is also the ego factor. It's fun to play with people like puppets, because you get to see how much power you have over them. I should probably be a little more conscious about my teasing. Stay focused, stay nice. Feel free to give me Mussar (corrective advice) if you see me cheating.
I used to be a really nice guy. Always doing things for girls, saying nice things, helping out. I got no attention. Always the bridesmaid...
But at some point I picked up on what I thought was just a pop-culture phenomenon, but is apparently an actual reality to some degree. Girls like tough guys. They like the rebel, they like the edge, they like the assertiveness, they like the control. Obviously this is to varying degrees. And it's not like they like evil. It's just that the angel-guys seem to get overlooked as not manly enough. So over the years I've developed a more complex persona, where I can be more aggressive and less passive. Or at least act the part. And it's worked. At least to some degree. I mean, it's not like some magic potion that has girls falling at my feet. But at least throughout the last few years there have been some girls that were interested to varying degrees.
But it really is bad middos (characteristics). It is mean, no matter if it wins hearts in the short run. And it really is only because I'm bored and want attention that I do it. It's not Tachlis (for any purpose). It really is just to shake things up. Of course, there is also the ego factor. It's fun to play with people like puppets, because you get to see how much power you have over them. I should probably be a little more conscious about my teasing. Stay focused, stay nice. Feel free to give me Mussar (corrective advice) if you see me cheating.
# posted by Josh : Sunday, May 22, 2005
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You asked for mussar so here goes. First, just so it's clear, like you, she's not interested. Pressure to date you? I think it's just been more teasing. I don't think this girl would put up with the teasing if she didn't enjoy it as much as you do to some degree. Despite however hard you try to be a tough guy with an edge, those who know you well know you really are a nice guy. Some of us are looking for nice guys, although you're probably right in pointing out that a guy needs to have more to him than just that. I think a little gentle teasing (or flirting as you called it) is fine as long as the other party involved is cool with it. Maybe it's a sign of this girl's desperation, or maybe she can just recognize a good friend, but I think she's cool with the relationship as is.
# posted by 
: May 25, 2005 8:04 PM
: May 25, 2005 8:04 PM
Okay, she's definitely an Orthodox Jew because she understood the phrase "give mussar"; however, she's not Diana because Diana doesn't use 'cool' and probably wouldn't be okay with flirting. Who could this be, Josh?
Is she hot? Based on your attitude towards her the answer is a resounding "NO." In that case, stop wasting the girl's time and attention span. Either go and find yourself a girlfriend of a hobby, something like blogging. Oh wait...On second thought, you're old, washed up, past your prime and desperate. Beg this beautiful girl to give you a shot.
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# posted by : June 01, 2005 9:46 AM
: June 01, 2005 9:46 AM<< Home
