Saturday, June 04, 2005

Girls and Weddings

Apparently girls take weddings seriously. I know I don't. One of the hallmarks of an orthodox wedding is the festive entertaining done to maximize the joy of the bride and groom. In that spirit, one of the only aspects of weddings that I enjoy is the ability to bring my creative spirit to this practice. But apparently that can sometimes clash with what the bride envisions in her fantasy wedding. It seems the grooms jokes don't always bring a smile to the bride's face. Something to do with men having a different type of humor than women. That may or may not be the case. Obviously not everyone is entertained in cookie-cutter ways, so I understand the need to concentrate on what will be funny for the bride and groom, not just on what makes the guest laugh.

But what bothers me is the attitude of brides. They plan their wedding's out as if it is important. A wedding is a ceremony that leads to marriage. Marriage is important, the wedding is just the means to that end. Get your priorities straight. I once heard a story of a couple that had been married for a few years. They were looking back at their wedding album, and the husband asked the wife if after all the ensuing years she felt any differently about all the expense that had been spent on the details of the wedding. Without blinking, the wife replied that she wouldn't have sacrificed anything if she had the opportunity. The memories had been what she had always dreamed. The moral of the story teller had been to prove that guys should really understand that girls find this stuff important. I'd like to turn that lesson on its head. I'm sorry, but that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. That any expense should be spent on a passing event is the utmost in materialistic waste. Spending money on a ceremony before ensuring the needs of a new couple, like a home to live in or tuition for future children's private school tuition, is the epitome of waste. Any person who's goal's are so shallow that one fairy tale wedding provides satisfaction for their life might want to reconsider their worth in this world. They obviously have a warped sense of contribution.

I'm not saying what my wedding will be like. I understand that I probably fall to one extreme. But I don't think my logic is that flawed. Practicing what you preach is one of the most important things in life. So while I'm not too dumb to ignore what a woman wants, I'd like to think that some modicum of rationality will prevail at the lifecycle events that I'm part of (especially if I'm paying for them). While only time will tell, I sure hope that the way a choose to celebrate will be a positive example for other's in the religious community. And don't get me started on diamond rings...

Comments:
I have to agree, but you have to understand that girls grow up in modern society, and, as such, are dreaming about their wedding since they are old enough to watch TV or play with dolls. Almost all Disney movies end up with some perfectly-good-looking hero and heroine getting married, all after the evil guy's plans are thwarted.
But I completely agree with Rav Bina shlita (he's been saying it for more years) and you on this one.
Don't get ME started on flowers.
 
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