Why Josh Can't Be Left Alone

My friends and I are quite weird. But you didn't need me to tell you that. So for the last wedding I went to, we held a conclave to determine appropriate shtick. Well, actually, we first determined inappropriate shtick, and then slowly whittled it away to usable items. We ended up going with a meat theme in honor of our portly, red-blooded friend. The routine we set was as follows: Some guys would come out jump roping. I'd come in and wave off their shtick as cliche. I would then do a tease as I slowly extract a 25 foot link of genuine Romanian hot dogs from a grocery bag. I would then hand one end of the links to each of my friends, and proceed with the most manly jumprope known to mankind. Then, we would be interupted by another friend, who would come in juggling softballs. Once again, I'd interupt his routine as old-school, and throw him three medium sized Romanian salamis to wow the audience instead. After he finished juggling those, I'd do a quick assessment of the groom's tastes. First, I'd tempt him with a small salami. This would be followed by a medium and then a large salami. Knowing this still wouldn't satiate him, we would have two of our biggest friends come out with a custom made 3 and a half foot salami hanging from a pole. After a quick "salami-Tantz," we would allow the wedding to return to the normal realm.

Unfortunately, I was running late and goofed, forgetting the hotdogs in the fridge in the apartment. But the rest went off pretty nearly as planned, inspiring all the guests with the Chicago boys' singular focus on meat.