Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Simcha
This past Sunday, I crashed a wedding of a guy I know from Yeshiva who married a local girl. Why would I go to a wedding where I didn't have a seat assignment? I could've come because my friends were there. Or for the free food. Or because I was bored. I'm easilly influenced by those things, but the bottom line - I went because it's a mitzvah.
I don't enjoy weddings, per se. I don't have a good time, it's not my Kosher version of a wild party, a way to kill a weekend. It's a mitvah to entertain the bride and groom. It's not about hearing your favorite singer or showing off your dance moves. It's whatever the bride/groom want. If that's to keep the dancing going after the band stops, good. If it's to get them a seat and tell the band to quit, than that is just the same. I try to spend the entire wedding seeing what I can do to make the experience nicer- for them.
I'll fly to a wedding- not because it promises to have a great band and great food- but I see whether my presence will make a difference. If I think it will, there's no ticket too expensive.
I can understand why people get so into weddings, don't get me wrong. I just think they miss the point. Kohelles (Thanks, Rebbetzin) says "Tov Leches El Beis HaAvel M'Beis HaMishteh," "Better to go to a house of mourning than a house of feasting." What's better for a person is to learn the humbling lesson of mortality than to waste life trying to find personal happiness and fulfillment by absorbing the joy of others at parties. Put into context our role at Simchas, and it begins to take on a more understandable shape.
I just don't know what I would ever do at my own wedding.
I don't enjoy weddings, per se. I don't have a good time, it's not my Kosher version of a wild party, a way to kill a weekend. It's a mitvah to entertain the bride and groom. It's not about hearing your favorite singer or showing off your dance moves. It's whatever the bride/groom want. If that's to keep the dancing going after the band stops, good. If it's to get them a seat and tell the band to quit, than that is just the same. I try to spend the entire wedding seeing what I can do to make the experience nicer- for them.
I'll fly to a wedding- not because it promises to have a great band and great food- but I see whether my presence will make a difference. If I think it will, there's no ticket too expensive.
I can understand why people get so into weddings, don't get me wrong. I just think they miss the point. Kohelles (Thanks, Rebbetzin) says "Tov Leches El Beis HaAvel M'Beis HaMishteh," "Better to go to a house of mourning than a house of feasting." What's better for a person is to learn the humbling lesson of mortality than to waste life trying to find personal happiness and fulfillment by absorbing the joy of others at parties. Put into context our role at Simchas, and it begins to take on a more understandable shape.
I just don't know what I would ever do at my own wedding.
# posted by Josh : Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Comments:
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I completely agree, the mitzvah is and should be the only point of attendance, not the sushi bar.
Don't get me started on the break dancing and Eric Clapton shtupped into the music at every wedding...
are we trying to turn such a holy event into our local nightclub?
Though the wisest of all man did make such a statement, I would like to add the pasuk that serves as the refrain at the conclusion of the reading: "sof davar hakol nishmah etc.", mitzvos and yiras HaShem are the only way to live. So when we're at a wedding, it's important to remember our place amidst the happy atmosphere; dancing isn't just meaningless movement but yet another action that can be harnessed for avodas HaShem.
Don't get me started on the break dancing and Eric Clapton shtupped into the music at every wedding...
are we trying to turn such a holy event into our local nightclub?
Though the wisest of all man did make such a statement, I would like to add the pasuk that serves as the refrain at the conclusion of the reading: "sof davar hakol nishmah etc.", mitzvos and yiras HaShem are the only way to live. So when we're at a wedding, it's important to remember our place amidst the happy atmosphere; dancing isn't just meaningless movement but yet another action that can be harnessed for avodas HaShem.
# posted by 
: November 08, 2005 8:55 PM
: November 08, 2005 8:55 PM
this is what you'll do at your wedding:
sit back and enjoy the festivities and antics put on by your friends for your entertainment.
i had a friend who used to come out on rollerskates, and another who'd dress up like a clown. and the best is the the chosson & kallah were always so happy.
sit back and enjoy the festivities and antics put on by your friends for your entertainment.
i had a friend who used to come out on rollerskates, and another who'd dress up like a clown. and the best is the the chosson & kallah were always so happy.
J - bet you'll be dancing up a storm at your wedding - don't forget, you want to make the kallah happy
That could be me talking; I rarely fly to a wedding.
More often than not your presence is desired until till the actual wedding, but rarely during the happening itself.
More often than not your presence is desired until till the actual wedding, but rarely during the happening itself.
Anon - Well said.
Bec - The problem is I'm not entertained by such things. I'd rather spend two hours out of the limelight than in it.
MH - I'd dance to make my Kallah happy, for sure. But I'm not sure how I could connect with somebody who is entertained by such antics. Of course, that thinking is a large part of why I'm still single, and we'll see how that plays out.
Prag - That makes me wonder again at the cost per person of a wedding, and all the gifts. Is it really just a transaction - we pay $100 for you to eat in return for a gift, like one of these fundraising dinners?
Erica - I would be more than happy to make your shindig special (You know, because any party I crash is straight up A-list). Yeah, and the word list is so that I stop getting that false excitement when I see a new comment.
Bec - The problem is I'm not entertained by such things. I'd rather spend two hours out of the limelight than in it.
MH - I'd dance to make my Kallah happy, for sure. But I'm not sure how I could connect with somebody who is entertained by such antics. Of course, that thinking is a large part of why I'm still single, and we'll see how that plays out.
Prag - That makes me wonder again at the cost per person of a wedding, and all the gifts. Is it really just a transaction - we pay $100 for you to eat in return for a gift, like one of these fundraising dinners?
Erica - I would be more than happy to make your shindig special (You know, because any party I crash is straight up A-list). Yeah, and the word list is so that I stop getting that false excitement when I see a new comment.
Before the first wedding I ever went to, my father took me aside and told me:
You have a mitzvah to keep tonight. The party is for the chasson and the kallah to rejoice. So go and make them happy.
It's stuck with me for every wedding I've ever been to.
You have a mitzvah to keep tonight. The party is for the chasson and the kallah to rejoice. So go and make them happy.
It's stuck with me for every wedding I've ever been to.
# posted by : November 12, 2005 8:30 PM
: November 12, 2005 8:30 PM
"But I'm not sure how I could connect with somebody who is entertained by such antics"
she won't care how rediculous it is, she'll love the dancing because she knows why you're doing it.
she won't care how rediculous it is, she'll love the dancing because she knows why you're doing it.
# posted by : November 12, 2005 8:33 PM
: November 12, 2005 8:33 PM
josh - i happen to love to dance, and weddings are my outlet...so it's easy for me to dance and be misameach choson & kallah. re you dancing for your kallah - you don't have to make a fool out of yourself. just chill a little. lakol zman va-es. time to be serious and a time to be light. would love to be invited to your wedding - b'karov
MH - Congratulations, you've uncovered the secret. I have two left feet.
Brianna - LOL, but I never really got into the whole sushi thing myself.
Brianna - LOL, but I never really got into the whole sushi thing myself.
You know Josh, if we stopped this whole wedding extravaganza, then most couples would be able to afford an apartment and worry less about daily expenses. So yes basically it some sort of fundraising dinner. Only not a dime is left at the end of the evening.
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