Saturday, December 31, 2005
The Local Dating Scene
Back in a prior post, BlogBlond offered to set me up with another blogger/commenter, Photochick. Yes, I actually took it seriously, but I have yet to tell the story- until now. Due to contractual obligations, I was unable to follow through with my intent of a play-by-play of the whole process. However, at this point I can bring you up to date.
PC and I spoke on the phone three times. We had nice, long conversations, but due to the geographical gap, have decided not to actively pursue anything at this time. Perhaps if in the future either of us finds ourselves travelling through the other's city, we will meet up. Even though there wasn't anything incompatible between us, there wasn't necessarily anything strong enough to justify long distance travel. And since I could just flirt ad infinitum without advancing a relationship, it wouldn't be worthwhile to make anyone travel to get in a situation that basically never got past Step 1. It's not that I expect love from a first conversation, but when it comes specifically to long distance dating, I think you need to start with some level of eagerness so that you can get past the hurdles of a relationship where you may only see each other every few weeks, at best.
On a separate but related note, I've written before about the trials of dating somebody out of town. But I never discussed the tribulations of dating somebody in the same city. And for good reason - I never have. I have never dated another Chicagoan.
This past week Chicago announced that it will offer $2,000 to any Shadchan who successfully sets up a Chicago girl, a program patterned after a similar one instituted in Baltimore last year. When I heard this, I couldn't help but wonder- if I've been in Chicago and never been set up with another Chicagoan, the system must be broke!
I was talking with another, older single girl in Chicago, and when I mentioned that I regularly flew to New York to date, and had never dated locally, she was shocked. Actually, that isn't strong enough. She was upset, even angry, at me. How could I overlook the local girls, who have a small enough dating pool as it is?
Of course, my attention grabbing self latched onto this argument. I mean, who am I to deprive the young women of Chicago from having the opportunity to date me? That's cruel and unusual punishment, withholding such a prize specimen from such eager and unknowing fans. So I've decided to get more active, and put my name out there.
Once I hit the market, I'm pretty sure they'll see the error of this $2,000 prize. They've created a monster.
PC and I spoke on the phone three times. We had nice, long conversations, but due to the geographical gap, have decided not to actively pursue anything at this time. Perhaps if in the future either of us finds ourselves travelling through the other's city, we will meet up. Even though there wasn't anything incompatible between us, there wasn't necessarily anything strong enough to justify long distance travel. And since I could just flirt ad infinitum without advancing a relationship, it wouldn't be worthwhile to make anyone travel to get in a situation that basically never got past Step 1. It's not that I expect love from a first conversation, but when it comes specifically to long distance dating, I think you need to start with some level of eagerness so that you can get past the hurdles of a relationship where you may only see each other every few weeks, at best.
On a separate but related note, I've written before about the trials of dating somebody out of town. But I never discussed the tribulations of dating somebody in the same city. And for good reason - I never have. I have never dated another Chicagoan.
This past week Chicago announced that it will offer $2,000 to any Shadchan who successfully sets up a Chicago girl, a program patterned after a similar one instituted in Baltimore last year. When I heard this, I couldn't help but wonder- if I've been in Chicago and never been set up with another Chicagoan, the system must be broke!
I was talking with another, older single girl in Chicago, and when I mentioned that I regularly flew to New York to date, and had never dated locally, she was shocked. Actually, that isn't strong enough. She was upset, even angry, at me. How could I overlook the local girls, who have a small enough dating pool as it is?
Of course, my attention grabbing self latched onto this argument. I mean, who am I to deprive the young women of Chicago from having the opportunity to date me? That's cruel and unusual punishment, withholding such a prize specimen from such eager and unknowing fans. So I've decided to get more active, and put my name out there.
Once I hit the market, I'm pretty sure they'll see the error of this $2,000 prize. They've created a monster.
# posted by Josh : Saturday, December 31, 2005
Comments:
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Did people offer to set you up with Chicago girls? It's not like you're going to go just pick them up, despite all the girls always hanging on all over you, because as we all know, you're way too frum for that.
Josh,
Go on dates with some local women. There are women out there even if they are hard to find. There must be 100s of umarried Orthodox women your age in the Chicago area. Go forth and date.
Go on dates with some local women. There are women out there even if they are hard to find. There must be 100s of umarried Orthodox women your age in the Chicago area. Go forth and date.
Are there no simchas in Chicago? Why are you not meeting young ladies there? Do people know you are looking/ Sorry I am not closer by to help.
This whole conversation seems vaguely familiar...I have one thing to say andn you're not gonna like it but I told ya so...
Geographic location shold not be the main criteria in dating. If you are attracted to the girl sexually/emotionally/interlectually, then go for it, whether shes next door or across the globe!
# posted by 
: January 01, 2006 5:56 PM
: January 01, 2006 5:56 PM
Neph - I've had offers, but never taken them seriously. So now I'll take them seriously, no matter how absurd or tenuous the Shadchan's connection to me may seem.
Masmida - I defnitely thought about that. Fortunately, I live in a small splinter of the larger frum community, and wouldn't be set up with any of the three Jewess' nearby. But I am usually very casual about these things, so even if I do end up running into an "ex" around town, it probably wouldn't be awkward. I'm more the type you set up with your friend than cringe at the sight of.
David - I disagree. I'd say 100 max, if you include everyone of theoretical marriageable age. And at least 3/4 of those could be immediately eliminated for playing in different realms than me.
AV - There are occasional simchas, and I have met people/gotten offers from them. However, those girls are often not in town anyways, just visiting for the simcha, so it is to little advantage. I'm not a social guy to begin with, but there aren't real opportunities to get to know frum girls in a kosher environment.
IMM - I don't disagree with you and never have. My issue has never been that there aren't girls here to date. It's that the Shadchanim don't know me. Since I have such great Shadchanim in New York, I saw no reason to waste time on superfluous dating here. Somehow the thought of somebody's mother at shul approaching me doesn't appear as potentially fruitful as a friend from Yeshiva setting me up. So I've avoided the randomness here, until now. We'll see how long I find the local environment more conducive than travelling.
Araya - You just tell me when, and we'll split the money.
Shira - While you have my dillemma backwards, you're advice shows my true difficulty. How do I establish that sexual/emotional/intellectual bond when I'm separated by so much distance? I've tried it, and couldn't connect. Now we'll see if going out locally with girls that are randomly set up with me will be any more logical.
And an update to all, I was red (offered) two local Shidduchim today, off blog. I said yes to both. But that's a whole other topic...
Masmida - I defnitely thought about that. Fortunately, I live in a small splinter of the larger frum community, and wouldn't be set up with any of the three Jewess' nearby. But I am usually very casual about these things, so even if I do end up running into an "ex" around town, it probably wouldn't be awkward. I'm more the type you set up with your friend than cringe at the sight of.
David - I disagree. I'd say 100 max, if you include everyone of theoretical marriageable age. And at least 3/4 of those could be immediately eliminated for playing in different realms than me.
AV - There are occasional simchas, and I have met people/gotten offers from them. However, those girls are often not in town anyways, just visiting for the simcha, so it is to little advantage. I'm not a social guy to begin with, but there aren't real opportunities to get to know frum girls in a kosher environment.
IMM - I don't disagree with you and never have. My issue has never been that there aren't girls here to date. It's that the Shadchanim don't know me. Since I have such great Shadchanim in New York, I saw no reason to waste time on superfluous dating here. Somehow the thought of somebody's mother at shul approaching me doesn't appear as potentially fruitful as a friend from Yeshiva setting me up. So I've avoided the randomness here, until now. We'll see how long I find the local environment more conducive than travelling.
Araya - You just tell me when, and we'll split the money.
Shira - While you have my dillemma backwards, you're advice shows my true difficulty. How do I establish that sexual/emotional/intellectual bond when I'm separated by so much distance? I've tried it, and couldn't connect. Now we'll see if going out locally with girls that are randomly set up with me will be any more logical.
And an update to all, I was red (offered) two local Shidduchim today, off blog. I said yes to both. But that's a whole other topic...
attention ladies: the JoshMonster- the hottest thing to hit the local dating scene since...since... well, uh...
seriously, JP- good luck to you breaking hearts in chicago- but don't think this will stop my schemeing blond mind from trying to fix you up...
maybe for $2,000 i can get my husband to date a chicago girl...
seriously, JP- good luck to you breaking hearts in chicago- but don't think this will stop my schemeing blond mind from trying to fix you up...
maybe for $2,000 i can get my husband to date a chicago girl...
BB - JP? In public? I'm blushing.
David - Not surprised. Just another step in commercialization. Broaden your audience. Although, it may hurt their credibility in the frum crowd, since that was their main niche relative to Jdate. Of course, with Futuresimchas free and around the corner, they didn't have much to differentiate themselves.
Araya - Pish-posh. No such thing as too old. How much for both of you?
David - Not surprised. Just another step in commercialization. Broaden your audience. Although, it may hurt their credibility in the frum crowd, since that was their main niche relative to Jdate. Of course, with Futuresimchas free and around the corner, they didn't have much to differentiate themselves.
Araya - Pish-posh. No such thing as too old. How much for both of you?
Eshet - I also wonder about the $2,000 and the motivating factor it provides. Can a shidduch be founded on commercial prospects? But I think it's pure marketing. I don't think anyone does it for the money, but it brings the need for people to step up and set people up to the forefront. So I think ultimately a good thing, if seemingly overwhelmingly professional and cold.
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