Sunday, February 05, 2006
Finally, a Vacation
Today was my first Sunday at home in five weeks. That's a good thing and a bad thing. On the plus side, I got a lot done. I cleaned my room (after unpacking and repacking for a trip every week, there was a lot of stuff that just never got put away), and even sorted through my (paper) files to get everything organized. Just like the Jews were rewarded for tearing down the houses they found when they entered Eretz Yisroel by finding treasures hidden in the walls, I was likewise rewarded for doing the dirty work. As I was shredding old pay stubs, I found a check still attached!
On the minus side, I was worried that a full weekend would leave me with a time vacuum that would have me busying myself online. Fortunately, the cleaning kept me pretty occupied, so while I did spend some time online, and found some Google Videos of note (keyword: Purim), I didn't go off the derech.
I didn't do everything I wanted today. I am trying to post all my pictures and videos from my last two trips online. I am still trying to find a non-bulky way to accomplish this. The trick is I want to be able to share them with all of you, so I don't want a service like Snapfish where I need to grant permission to people to view them. Right now, I'm looking at posting to the blog and Google Video, but this will take some time. Any ideas?
I also wanted to write some more posts, and finally start commenting on other blogs again, but alas, I didn't get that far. I guess this'll keep me busy for another week. I also have a few other items to take care of, response cards to fill out, checks to deposit. Just little errands. I should be able to take care of those during the week. So, all in all, a good weekend.
A few observations, once I'm writing. I have a fear of public bathrooms (toilet talk ahead for the rest of the paragraph - consider yourself warned). But not like that. It doesn't matter how much mold is growing from the ceiling, toilet paper stuck to the floor, bugs crawling up the pipes, or smell of rot coming from the walls. I'm afraid of people. Like somebody else coming in. If it's a a multi-person bathroom, I'll wait until I have privacy. If it's a one-person bathroom, I'm still afraid- I'll keep one foot on against the door, just in case the lock doesn't work. And if the bathroom is too big for that - forget it, I'll never relax. Yes, I do get stage fright. I guess I just follow Rashi in Mishlei - I learn Tznius (modesty) from the cat.
That of course, led me to think, what are my other fears? I do have recurring dreams about my teeth falling out. I probably wouldn't even think of that as a fear, had I not dated a girl that told me that she had similar dreams and this was her worst fear. I also am afraid of choking. I eat fish so slowly that it's easier just not to eat. I'm not really that afraid of that much. Oh yeah, there's also a fear of failure. That's a big one. That's why I'm always on the move. So I can feel like I can accomplish something, but usually whatever I'm doing doesn't have that much risk, unless somebody is pushing me. If there was one thing about me that I could work on, it would be this fear of failure. I know, everybody is afraid of failing to some degree. But it's my biggest handicap.
Finally, (I know I'm throwing a lot of topics into one- I'm cheating, trying to make it seem like I'm not posting too often, so nobody feels left out), would it make sense for me to shave my beard for a wedding? The way I see it, there is a definite importance of a Jew not shaving, ever. But this isn't the basic Mitzvah, just an extension. I don't think the average Yeshiva Bachur has an excuse to shave, but there are many good reasons to, such as getting a job. (I trimmed mine when I interviewed for my current job. But I walked in the first day and saw my boss had a longer beard then me. I haven't trimmed since.) But entertaining a bride and groom is a very important Mitzvah, greater than the idea of not shaving. So my logic tells me that if a bride and groom would get immense joy from me shaving, which in this case I think I would, then I should do it for them. Does my logic hold? I was thinking I should ask my Rabbi, but A) I think my logic is pretty true, and B) I think he would just laugh at me.
(As a side note, I don't think dating is an excuse to shave. I think that a Jewish girl should have an appreciation of the value of a man not shaving. I understand that she wants her husband to look good, but I see it like a kippah. It may not look good, but it's part of the uniform, so a frum guy shouldn't be judged by GQ standards. It's more complex than that, but I just want to put this out there for discussion.)
Hehe, you thought you were just getting an "How I spent my weekend" post. Sucker.
On the minus side, I was worried that a full weekend would leave me with a time vacuum that would have me busying myself online. Fortunately, the cleaning kept me pretty occupied, so while I did spend some time online, and found some Google Videos of note (keyword: Purim), I didn't go off the derech.
I didn't do everything I wanted today. I am trying to post all my pictures and videos from my last two trips online. I am still trying to find a non-bulky way to accomplish this. The trick is I want to be able to share them with all of you, so I don't want a service like Snapfish where I need to grant permission to people to view them. Right now, I'm looking at posting to the blog and Google Video, but this will take some time. Any ideas?
I also wanted to write some more posts, and finally start commenting on other blogs again, but alas, I didn't get that far. I guess this'll keep me busy for another week. I also have a few other items to take care of, response cards to fill out, checks to deposit. Just little errands. I should be able to take care of those during the week. So, all in all, a good weekend.
A few observations, once I'm writing. I have a fear of public bathrooms (toilet talk ahead for the rest of the paragraph - consider yourself warned). But not like that. It doesn't matter how much mold is growing from the ceiling, toilet paper stuck to the floor, bugs crawling up the pipes, or smell of rot coming from the walls. I'm afraid of people. Like somebody else coming in. If it's a a multi-person bathroom, I'll wait until I have privacy. If it's a one-person bathroom, I'm still afraid- I'll keep one foot on against the door, just in case the lock doesn't work. And if the bathroom is too big for that - forget it, I'll never relax. Yes, I do get stage fright. I guess I just follow Rashi in Mishlei - I learn Tznius (modesty) from the cat.
That of course, led me to think, what are my other fears? I do have recurring dreams about my teeth falling out. I probably wouldn't even think of that as a fear, had I not dated a girl that told me that she had similar dreams and this was her worst fear. I also am afraid of choking. I eat fish so slowly that it's easier just not to eat. I'm not really that afraid of that much. Oh yeah, there's also a fear of failure. That's a big one. That's why I'm always on the move. So I can feel like I can accomplish something, but usually whatever I'm doing doesn't have that much risk, unless somebody is pushing me. If there was one thing about me that I could work on, it would be this fear of failure. I know, everybody is afraid of failing to some degree. But it's my biggest handicap.
Finally, (I know I'm throwing a lot of topics into one- I'm cheating, trying to make it seem like I'm not posting too often, so nobody feels left out), would it make sense for me to shave my beard for a wedding? The way I see it, there is a definite importance of a Jew not shaving, ever. But this isn't the basic Mitzvah, just an extension. I don't think the average Yeshiva Bachur has an excuse to shave, but there are many good reasons to, such as getting a job. (I trimmed mine when I interviewed for my current job. But I walked in the first day and saw my boss had a longer beard then me. I haven't trimmed since.) But entertaining a bride and groom is a very important Mitzvah, greater than the idea of not shaving. So my logic tells me that if a bride and groom would get immense joy from me shaving, which in this case I think I would, then I should do it for them. Does my logic hold? I was thinking I should ask my Rabbi, but A) I think my logic is pretty true, and B) I think he would just laugh at me.
(As a side note, I don't think dating is an excuse to shave. I think that a Jewish girl should have an appreciation of the value of a man not shaving. I understand that she wants her husband to look good, but I see it like a kippah. It may not look good, but it's part of the uniform, so a frum guy shouldn't be judged by GQ standards. It's more complex than that, but I just want to put this out there for discussion.)
Hehe, you thought you were just getting an "How I spent my weekend" post. Sucker.
# posted by Josh : Sunday, February 05, 2006
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I also heard that guys should get beards only once married, so they don't get too sure of themselves, heh heh. But from a female point of view, a beard is so not like a kippa, cause everyone we would be dating, and all our brothers, neighbors, etc. wear kippas, but what if the girl grew up around clean shaven men? I know this argument doesn't hold water if you'd reply, well, what about guys who grew up around non-tznius women, wouldn't he have to deal with it? But, just trust me on this one, and one day I'll defend it: It's just different.
Oh, btw, I totally respect that you don't shave without a purpose- more power to you!
Oh, btw, I totally respect that you don't shave without a purpose- more power to you!
Ask your Rabbi. There will always be things that you think your Rav will laugh at. Ask him anyway...You know it's important to do, even though it seems "silly."
sooooo reply to bathroom comment, but the bathroom with the figure with the skirt on it for me. consider yourself warned. I totally hold the door with my foot sometimes when i am in the bathroom - i keep seat covers in the car just in case so i dont have to simultaneously squat and keep a foot on a door incase the bathroom doesn't have any. anyone who can do that has glutes of steel. anyway, i knew this girl in high school who used to walk into bathrooms and turn the water on so no one would hear her. which was especially odd because girls go to the bathroom in pairs/groups (not in a stall, but to the actual room at the same time) so it was very weird. she didn't like people hearing her. anyway, it's not that odd apparently.
josh - question is, what do the girls you're interested in look like? you need to market to your target audience.
I recognize myself in the bathroom situation, I will always ask someone to stand in front of the door and I’ll hum something so no one can say they didn't know someone was in!
Y - While the Torah's statement, "You shall not destroy the corners of your beard," is interpreted to mean that there are five points of the face that may not be shaved with a razor, Jewish tradition has held onto an actual beard, probably because before the electric shaver there was no way to remove it. Wearing a beard has certain elements of Halachic Jewish identity as well as deeper Kabbalistic roots (that I do not know specifically).
Shosh - I've noticed that many frum people only grow the beard once married. I don't understand it. What other Mitzva do we take on only at a certain stage in life? (Don't tell me Tallis - that isn't comparable.) As far as shaving after a divorce, I've never heard of that, but well, I guess you can figure out my opinion on that.
OJ - The fact that people look around and make assumptions is what bothers me so much. Sure, perhaps your neighbor doesn't have a beard, but does he have a justification for it? Maybe he reads People magazine too. There are good reasons we never pasken halachah from common Jewish practice. Because throughout history, Jews have consistently ignored their spiritual aspirations. If you're going to look around to see how to practice, look up. Mysteriously, all the Gedolim have beards.
FG - It's not a Lubavitch thing, not for me and not in Halacha. While Chassidim hold very strongly to the strict interpretation of never trimming, probably due both to the Kabbalistic teachings and to the Jewish identity issue, if you investigate the Halachos, it is clearly normative. Ever hear of the Mishnah Berurah? Right, the Chofetz Chaim wrote an entire booklet on why you should never shave (Kuntres Tifferes Hadam - located in the back of the Kisvei Hachafetz Chaim Hashelem). I hold by him for everything else, so I figure this too.
STX - You are right. Obviously, I'm just trying to cover up my shyness by excusing any need to ask. There are very likely other issues, such as it could possibly be a Chillul Hashem to forsake a mitzvah for another Jew. I will try and build up the courage to ask. It's not like asking if I can put some food on the blech on Shabbos. This is much more personal.
Carla - Um, thanks for the visual. Glad we have something in common- We're both more normal than that girl in your high school!
MH - None of them have beards. Seriously, I appreciate that the girl I'm looking for asthetically wouldn't want the beard. But I do feel that the girl I'm looking for should appreciate the beard halachically. And honestly, if she could give me enough of a reason to get rid of it (that still involves the two of us having the same goal of coming closer to Gd), then I would consider that.
Prag - Interesting to note that while halachically it is forbidden to speak in a bathroom, it is allowed for a woman to talk in a gender-neutral public bathroom, so that people will know she's in there. So Halacha was obviously concerned with the same thing, to a degree.
Shosh - I've noticed that many frum people only grow the beard once married. I don't understand it. What other Mitzva do we take on only at a certain stage in life? (Don't tell me Tallis - that isn't comparable.) As far as shaving after a divorce, I've never heard of that, but well, I guess you can figure out my opinion on that.
OJ - The fact that people look around and make assumptions is what bothers me so much. Sure, perhaps your neighbor doesn't have a beard, but does he have a justification for it? Maybe he reads People magazine too. There are good reasons we never pasken halachah from common Jewish practice. Because throughout history, Jews have consistently ignored their spiritual aspirations. If you're going to look around to see how to practice, look up. Mysteriously, all the Gedolim have beards.
FG - It's not a Lubavitch thing, not for me and not in Halacha. While Chassidim hold very strongly to the strict interpretation of never trimming, probably due both to the Kabbalistic teachings and to the Jewish identity issue, if you investigate the Halachos, it is clearly normative. Ever hear of the Mishnah Berurah? Right, the Chofetz Chaim wrote an entire booklet on why you should never shave (Kuntres Tifferes Hadam - located in the back of the Kisvei Hachafetz Chaim Hashelem). I hold by him for everything else, so I figure this too.
STX - You are right. Obviously, I'm just trying to cover up my shyness by excusing any need to ask. There are very likely other issues, such as it could possibly be a Chillul Hashem to forsake a mitzvah for another Jew. I will try and build up the courage to ask. It's not like asking if I can put some food on the blech on Shabbos. This is much more personal.
Carla - Um, thanks for the visual. Glad we have something in common- We're both more normal than that girl in your high school!
MH - None of them have beards. Seriously, I appreciate that the girl I'm looking for asthetically wouldn't want the beard. But I do feel that the girl I'm looking for should appreciate the beard halachically. And honestly, if she could give me enough of a reason to get rid of it (that still involves the two of us having the same goal of coming closer to Gd), then I would consider that.
Prag - Interesting to note that while halachically it is forbidden to speak in a bathroom, it is allowed for a woman to talk in a gender-neutral public bathroom, so that people will know she's in there. So Halacha was obviously concerned with the same thing, to a degree.
so, a few random thoughts for you- i have heard (repeatedly) over the years that dreaming about your teeth falling out reflects a fear of losing control. there is actaully a gemara about this as well, but pop-psych (from 50 years ago, when i was in school- not now when it's all about the touchy feely new agey garbage...)has long held losing teeth=losing control. verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry telling in light of your bathroom post... (btw- if you ever dream about needing to go to the bathroom and not being able to find one that works, or not being able to find one that is private, or not being able to find one at all- that's about not being able to find a safe/usable/trustworthy place in life to "dump" your emotional baggage- not being able to let your guard down- hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm)on another note- you should listen to a song by christine lavin (depending on how you hold with kol isha...) called attainable love. let us know how that goes for ya...
and, for the record, cheerios with bananas...
and, for the record, cheerios with bananas...
Josh, I agree with matahari to some extent. This is about your appearance - If you like the way you look clean shaven (frankly, I prefer it...) then do it, and if you are shallow enough (or smart enough) to care what women think of you then wear it how they will like it.
Forget about traditions... I have only once felt guilty about losing hair on my head: In August when I left for an excursion, my friends convinced me they could cut my hair. My friend Tony took off a sideburn...and then came off the other one. I hadn't taken them entirely off in quite a long time. I was concerned and emailed my Rabbi - here is the response:
The Torah says, "You shall not ROUND off the PAYOS of your head." (Leviticus 19:27) The word PAYOS refers to the SIDEBURNS. The exact definition of sideburns refers to the hair in front of the ears that extends to underneath the cheekbone which is level with the nose. (Talmud - Makkot 20a) Maimonides explained that the prohibition of ROUNDING disallows one to remove the sideburns, by razor, tweezers or any other means. He is, however, allowed to trim the sideburns, even very close to the skin, using scissors. (The Book of Mitzvah Education #251)
Many Jews grow their Payos long as a sign of piety. However, this is a
custom that not all are acquainted with, and there are many pious Jews who only have the sideburns (which halachically are considered Payos).
Hair is also a symbol of vanity, a preoccupation of how one looks. The
prohibition against cutting off the Payos reminds man that he shouldn't
overrate his material assets (i.e. as his looks) when wishing to express
himself, rather he should depend on his intellect and good character.
(Samson Raphael Hirsch, 19th century Germany)
From the mystical perspective, I heard from a I heard from Rav Ashkenazi (a Gerer Chossid and Rosh Kollel of the Boston Kollel) that payos separate between the front part of the brain which is used for abstract thought, that can be used for dealing with holiness, and the back part of the brain that governs the body. This way a person won't shave off the hair in between, and up using the frontal part for mere physical maintenance and pleasure in this world. It's a special commandment given to the Jews, as our job is to bring holiness into this world.
MOVING ON: Try to convert the movies into a lower quality like MPEG-2 or something...or clip them down. Search online for some free software that will convert/edit movies. AH, the bathroom scares people.. heh I heard the Qumrans would walk all the way outside of town and dig a hole to get away from people (and they wouldn't even go on Shabbos they were so embarrased). Put your mind in another place - Try to close your eyes and pretend you're standing in your nice, small, private bathroom at home or something. It works for me.
Forget about traditions... I have only once felt guilty about losing hair on my head: In August when I left for an excursion, my friends convinced me they could cut my hair. My friend Tony took off a sideburn...and then came off the other one. I hadn't taken them entirely off in quite a long time. I was concerned and emailed my Rabbi - here is the response:
The Torah says, "You shall not ROUND off the PAYOS of your head." (Leviticus 19:27) The word PAYOS refers to the SIDEBURNS. The exact definition of sideburns refers to the hair in front of the ears that extends to underneath the cheekbone which is level with the nose. (Talmud - Makkot 20a) Maimonides explained that the prohibition of ROUNDING disallows one to remove the sideburns, by razor, tweezers or any other means. He is, however, allowed to trim the sideburns, even very close to the skin, using scissors. (The Book of Mitzvah Education #251)
Many Jews grow their Payos long as a sign of piety. However, this is a
custom that not all are acquainted with, and there are many pious Jews who only have the sideburns (which halachically are considered Payos).
Hair is also a symbol of vanity, a preoccupation of how one looks. The
prohibition against cutting off the Payos reminds man that he shouldn't
overrate his material assets (i.e. as his looks) when wishing to express
himself, rather he should depend on his intellect and good character.
(Samson Raphael Hirsch, 19th century Germany)
From the mystical perspective, I heard from a I heard from Rav Ashkenazi (a Gerer Chossid and Rosh Kollel of the Boston Kollel) that payos separate between the front part of the brain which is used for abstract thought, that can be used for dealing with holiness, and the back part of the brain that governs the body. This way a person won't shave off the hair in between, and up using the frontal part for mere physical maintenance and pleasure in this world. It's a special commandment given to the Jews, as our job is to bring holiness into this world.
MOVING ON: Try to convert the movies into a lower quality like MPEG-2 or something...or clip them down. Search online for some free software that will convert/edit movies. AH, the bathroom scares people.. heh I heard the Qumrans would walk all the way outside of town and dig a hole to get away from people (and they wouldn't even go on Shabbos they were so embarrased). Put your mind in another place - Try to close your eyes and pretend you're standing in your nice, small, private bathroom at home or something. It works for me.
EC - I put a warning up...And I think I'm more at home in the "beard's aren't normal" camp. So that leaves me with a lot of explaining to do.
BB - So now I understand why I wear Depends. Wow - those lyrics were totally about me (read them- still Kol Isha?). What does that mean for me? I think I identified with every line...
FG - Why not trim? Why yes trim is the question? Would I do it for Parnassah before shaving? Yes. But why should I do it? If I can make a kiddush hashem with it, what do I accomplish by trimming it- other than looking good by non-Jewish standards?
MIND and EC - That was funny. I guess Marriage Is Not Communication. But I do understand personal preferences. I just put them below religious preferences. You know, being open minded, either way.
Y - Very well written comment. But I'm confused. How can you tell me how deep rooted a Mitzvah is and at the same time to "forget about tradition" and do what I like or what women like. As the saying goes - "Aseh Ritzoncha Kirtzono - make your will like His will." The goal of a Jew is to strive to be Gdly. Advising people to follow their own trends is decidely against this lifestyle. But I would agree that I think your view has become widespread, even in the Yeshivish world. I just don't understand how a religious community can use non-religious norms to dictate a reason that a frum person should choose to minimize levels of observance (with shaving/trimming being a lesser level of observance of the Torah's commandment).
For further personal reflections on this Mitzvah, you can refer back to this prior post.
BB - So now I understand why I wear Depends. Wow - those lyrics were totally about me (read them- still Kol Isha?). What does that mean for me? I think I identified with every line...
FG - Why not trim? Why yes trim is the question? Would I do it for Parnassah before shaving? Yes. But why should I do it? If I can make a kiddush hashem with it, what do I accomplish by trimming it- other than looking good by non-Jewish standards?
MIND and EC - That was funny. I guess Marriage Is Not Communication. But I do understand personal preferences. I just put them below religious preferences. You know, being open minded, either way.
Y - Very well written comment. But I'm confused. How can you tell me how deep rooted a Mitzvah is and at the same time to "forget about tradition" and do what I like or what women like. As the saying goes - "Aseh Ritzoncha Kirtzono - make your will like His will." The goal of a Jew is to strive to be Gdly. Advising people to follow their own trends is decidely against this lifestyle. But I would agree that I think your view has become widespread, even in the Yeshivish world. I just don't understand how a religious community can use non-religious norms to dictate a reason that a frum person should choose to minimize levels of observance (with shaving/trimming being a lesser level of observance of the Torah's commandment).
For further personal reflections on this Mitzvah, you can refer back to this prior post.
Josh - I just want to clarify - I didn't mean that you should compromise your principles, I was just advising that you be consistent. i.e. you should be dating women who respect the fact that you wear a beard (either they're very frum themselves or/and they grew up in a family where this is the norm so they're used to it). so the girl on the plane who was attractive and made up and dressed cute and all - might not (and i'm just guessing) be the type who wants the beard.
Of course, feel free to ignore everything I've said if you're not finding this to be the case.
Of course, feel free to ignore everything I've said if you're not finding this to be the case.
beards are awesome, halacha or no halacha. my husband has one, most of my guy friends have them (both religious and not religious.) so i wouldn't worry about women not being into them.
and here's another question, did the groom or bride request that you shave your beard??? and if they didn't, then couldn't you find an alternative way of entertaining-a bob marley-esque dredlock wig, perhaps?
going back to women wanting their husbands to look good, (and not that i'm looking at other men) but there are plenty of excruciatingly sexy bearded men out there, so a beard doesn't have to look "bad."
and here's another question, did the groom or bride request that you shave your beard??? and if they didn't, then couldn't you find an alternative way of entertaining-a bob marley-esque dredlock wig, perhaps?
going back to women wanting their husbands to look good, (and not that i'm looking at other men) but there are plenty of excruciatingly sexy bearded men out there, so a beard doesn't have to look "bad."
Josh -I agree with you completely. We should, of course, look up to what the gedolim are doing and be guided. But aren't the gedolim the creme de la creme of bnei yisrael? When I said how a girl might not like a husband with a beard because she's not used to it, that's all I meant. But if she likes the guy beneath the beard, and respects the reasons for the beard, she'll probably learn to love it!
MH - Don't get me wrong, your point is valid. And you could be write about the girl on the plane's beard preference, but my point with her is that I wasn't asking her out, just being social, so she needs to learn normal courtesy and not mix the two. Honestly, I don't date girls that will appreciate the beard asthetically. I know I don't. But I do try and date girls who will appreciate the Hashkafic committment that it represents.
Bec - I appreciate your love affair with the beard, and it does let me feel better knowing that there are some normal girls out there who still appreciate the beard on its own. So I guess I'm not just chasing after the "tolerant" girls. As far as the wedding shtick, they haven't requested anything, but of course that's why the shtick has potential to be so powerfully funny!
OJ - I guess I misunderstood you. I guess you were also saying that a girl might not appreciate a beard looks-wise, but may grow to like it after getting to understand the passion behind it. And that is exactly the girl that I'm looking for!
Bec - I appreciate your love affair with the beard, and it does let me feel better knowing that there are some normal girls out there who still appreciate the beard on its own. So I guess I'm not just chasing after the "tolerant" girls. As far as the wedding shtick, they haven't requested anything, but of course that's why the shtick has potential to be so powerfully funny!
OJ - I guess I misunderstood you. I guess you were also saying that a girl might not appreciate a beard looks-wise, but may grow to like it after getting to understand the passion behind it. And that is exactly the girl that I'm looking for!
hey josh- did you ever consider that maybe it's not your beard, but your breath that scares girls away? please handle that before the wedding...
BB - Unfortunately, I usually chase them away on purpose. I judge them very quickly (all my dating experiences except for one have been out of town), and then turn off the charm to make the let down go easy.
A - You've missed the nuance of my dillemna. It's not about what the Chassan wants as opposed to what I want. I appreciate living for what you see to be the truth, but that doesn't mean ignoring factors outside your own opinion. My question is based on a very simple assumption - I try and do whatever Gd asks of me. In this case, He has asked me to do two things, 1) grow a beard, and 2) entertain a bride and groom, two distinct and important Mitzvos. And in this case, contradictory. I can only choose one. Hence the dillemna. It is only a question of which Gd wants me to do more. You could say that the Chosson has no right to ask me to contradict the Torah, or you could say that the Chassan is a Deoraisa and the Beard is just a Minhag. That is the crux of the question.
I'm glad the bathroom issue had you cracking up. That is what this blog is really supposed to be about. I'm not worried about scaring the guy who walks in - I doubt he wants to see me either. But I don't want to be seen. I think it comes from a Pharoah complex. The Egyptian rulers used to never go to the bathroom (they actually had daily "baths" in the Nile, which they used to mask their bodily functions). The reason was that they saw themselves as deities, and therefore above the need of physical functions. I think in my own little way, I wouldn't want to be caught in a "mortal" act. Plus it would just be awkward. I'm not sure why girls would feel it any more normal to be walked in on.
I heard that Edgar Allen Poe used to keep his feet up when he was in a stall so that nobody would know he was in the bathroom. Maybe he had the same undiagnosed disorder that I have!
But what do you have against urinals?
A - You've missed the nuance of my dillemna. It's not about what the Chassan wants as opposed to what I want. I appreciate living for what you see to be the truth, but that doesn't mean ignoring factors outside your own opinion. My question is based on a very simple assumption - I try and do whatever Gd asks of me. In this case, He has asked me to do two things, 1) grow a beard, and 2) entertain a bride and groom, two distinct and important Mitzvos. And in this case, contradictory. I can only choose one. Hence the dillemna. It is only a question of which Gd wants me to do more. You could say that the Chosson has no right to ask me to contradict the Torah, or you could say that the Chassan is a Deoraisa and the Beard is just a Minhag. That is the crux of the question.
I'm glad the bathroom issue had you cracking up. That is what this blog is really supposed to be about. I'm not worried about scaring the guy who walks in - I doubt he wants to see me either. But I don't want to be seen. I think it comes from a Pharoah complex. The Egyptian rulers used to never go to the bathroom (they actually had daily "baths" in the Nile, which they used to mask their bodily functions). The reason was that they saw themselves as deities, and therefore above the need of physical functions. I think in my own little way, I wouldn't want to be caught in a "mortal" act. Plus it would just be awkward. I'm not sure why girls would feel it any more normal to be walked in on.
I heard that Edgar Allen Poe used to keep his feet up when he was in a stall so that nobody would know he was in the bathroom. Maybe he had the same undiagnosed disorder that I have!
But what do you have against urinals?
A - I don't think this is so simple. Obviously, if I was making my own rules in my perfect world, I'd keep the beard. I'm too lazy to shave regularly. And if the only factor I considered was fashion and popularity, I'd shave to show off my natural good looks. But the point is that I only have the beard because it's a Mitzvah. And I only want to take it off because of another Mitzvah. You can break it to me anytime you want, but I think this is a real dillemna, like a stoplight showing red and green at the same time.
I'm not going to go into too much detail in response to the Bathroom issue (sheesh I'm shy enough about this in reality), but my fear isn't that they walk into a public bathroom while I'm using the toilet, but that they will walk into the stall while I'm using it. Somebody just like to push every stall, even if the one next to it is open. And sometimes the locks aren't that strong. Hence, my foot being in position helps. Now how you're friends walked in on Rabbis, I don't want to know.
I'm not going to go into too much detail in response to the Bathroom issue (sheesh I'm shy enough about this in reality), but my fear isn't that they walk into a public bathroom while I'm using the toilet, but that they will walk into the stall while I'm using it. Somebody just like to push every stall, even if the one next to it is open. And sometimes the locks aren't that strong. Hence, my foot being in position helps. Now how you're friends walked in on Rabbis, I don't want to know.
OK, so we've caught up on the same wavelength on one issue. As far as the beard issue, all I can say is that your mistake is in assuming that I either enjoy or don't enjoy looking at myself in the mirror, and this is what should constitute the basis of my decision. If it was a Mitzvah to shave for the bride and groom, I could see no better reason to look at myself in the mirror with pride, just as I do now for being able to uphold Gd's will. That being said, I do recognize the truth to your argument that they have no right to have their desire over-ride Gd's. So we'll see. Don't worry, I won't do anything without consulting a competant authority. That's where you came in. Still waiting for an email though...
Hehe, ok, wishful thinking on my part. I have so much advice I want to give you about looking for a program for post high school. But I can't force it on you.
The last few sentences - I respect what you say. I think you approach things very carefully and openly, but also have a strength in formulating your reasons. So every question you asked me, I took seriously.
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The last few sentences - I respect what you say. I think you approach things very carefully and openly, but also have a strength in formulating your reasons. So every question you asked me, I took seriously.
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