Sunday, April 09, 2006
Oy Vey, Bubbaleh!
Why do Jewish mothers worry? Is there some 614th commandment that I never studied? What part of the Jewish religion encourages or at least incubates neurotic behavior and guilt complexes?
This has nothing to do with the stresses of this time of year, but it's strange, because I think this stereotype is evident across the spectrum of Jewish identity in a way that isn't seen amongst non-Jewish mothers. Sure, you can tell me about the history of anti-semitism, and very real fears, but is there a reason those anxieties should persist in America? At what point does a defensive mechanism actually self-asphxiate? Perhaps it steps from our hyper-awareness of living in the shadows of an omnipotent Gd? But even most observant Jews aren't that religious.
How many Jewish men look for non-Jewish women because they want to live life carefree, without looking behind their backs every minute? How many inferiority complexes will it take for us to reevaluate the pyschological health of our culture? And what will it take to get my mom to stop nagging me about taking out the garbage?
This has nothing to do with the stresses of this time of year, but it's strange, because I think this stereotype is evident across the spectrum of Jewish identity in a way that isn't seen amongst non-Jewish mothers. Sure, you can tell me about the history of anti-semitism, and very real fears, but is there a reason those anxieties should persist in America? At what point does a defensive mechanism actually self-asphxiate? Perhaps it steps from our hyper-awareness of living in the shadows of an omnipotent Gd? But even most observant Jews aren't that religious.
How many Jewish men look for non-Jewish women because they want to live life carefree, without looking behind their backs every minute? How many inferiority complexes will it take for us to reevaluate the pyschological health of our culture? And what will it take to get my mom to stop nagging me about taking out the garbage?
# posted by Josh : Sunday, April 09, 2006
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oish, ok, thats a nechama, as long ass its not jsut my mother who's like that...hey! does that mean that one day ill be like that too?!?!?!!? NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! i dont wanna be like that! i wanna be normal!!!!
I guess I really did grow up in a radical environment - my mom isn't into the guilt and worrying thing at all. Though my grandmother is the champ!
Nice new pic - very cool!
Nice new pic - very cool!
I'm with Photochick on this one, as you well know. Both in that you should just do it, and that we nag and worry at any age.
C - Isn't that weird? So many of us see this, see that it's overboard, and yet it keeps perpetuating. I bless you that with your keen insight, you should care for everyone, without going overboard. That is if Moshiach doesn't come first.
D- Yeah, I'm that cool...but thanks!
Sh - I know there are families out there like yours. I'm so jealous. Sometimes it pays to be a BT, no?
PC - Yes. That will work. For the record, I did take out the garbage. And yes the nagging did stop. And also my mother asked me to also point out that she does a lot of great things for me too, which is absolutely the case. I don't want to diminish all the wonderful things she does. But worrying? I guess you point out that it doesn't only come when you become a mother. But why? Take a deep breath. Everything will be OK.
S - Now I've got Jewish women ganging up on me, to create the single largest guilt trip known to mankind. Not fair!
EC - You make a good point. Obviously somebody who cares is preferable to somebody who doesn't. And worrying is a sign of that closeness. But I think it is the negative demonstration of love. Is it great that my mother wakes up in the middle of the night and thinks of my wellbeing? Sure. Is it normal that she assumes that I've suffocated on my pillow in my sleep. I think not. There is a fine line between caring and insecurity, and it's called worrying. Mom can let me walk home by myself without being distant. She can make sure I'm capable and reasonably safe, and show her love by trusting me to succeed on my own. Not by instilling within me a fear of everything around me. Life isn't a disaster waiting to happen. Prepare your best, and deal with things as they come.
Do I sound like just another subjugated Jewish man?
D- Yeah, I'm that cool...but thanks!
Sh - I know there are families out there like yours. I'm so jealous. Sometimes it pays to be a BT, no?
PC - Yes. That will work. For the record, I did take out the garbage. And yes the nagging did stop. And also my mother asked me to also point out that she does a lot of great things for me too, which is absolutely the case. I don't want to diminish all the wonderful things she does. But worrying? I guess you point out that it doesn't only come when you become a mother. But why? Take a deep breath. Everything will be OK.
S - Now I've got Jewish women ganging up on me, to create the single largest guilt trip known to mankind. Not fair!
EC - You make a good point. Obviously somebody who cares is preferable to somebody who doesn't. And worrying is a sign of that closeness. But I think it is the negative demonstration of love. Is it great that my mother wakes up in the middle of the night and thinks of my wellbeing? Sure. Is it normal that she assumes that I've suffocated on my pillow in my sleep. I think not. There is a fine line between caring and insecurity, and it's called worrying. Mom can let me walk home by myself without being distant. She can make sure I'm capable and reasonably safe, and show her love by trusting me to succeed on my own. Not by instilling within me a fear of everything around me. Life isn't a disaster waiting to happen. Prepare your best, and deal with things as they come.
Do I sound like just another subjugated Jewish man?
All mothers worry, Jewish mothers are just more vocal about it. Why? It's been ingrained in them since childhood leading back to the days in Egypt when a child would run off and the mother would be so worried b/c doing such a thing could get him killed. In more recent times in the days of the war in Europe, a child running off could also result in him never being seen again. It could be one of those things or it could be the Jewish view of the women being strong in the home and so they make their presence known. you mentioned all this in your posting I realise but I think they're still valid. People tend to have the same complexes as their parents and tend to pass it on to their children until someone breaks the mold. We call this a mutation. Until then they continue worrying. As for Jewish men seeking non-Jewish women, I think the reverse is more prevalent. There's a play whose name I can't remember currently whose premise is that a non-Jewish man is seeking a Jewish women so he never has to make another decision in his life. Nothing so insightful, I'm sorry, it's late, but I really wrote this to lead up to this one stupendous point:
Josh, just take out the stupid garbage.
Josh, just take out the stupid garbage.
dudie said it, it's a mother thing but Jewish mothers have so much more to worry about and if itdidn't exist what humour would they use in the Nanny?
Josh - I can so relate. Believe me - the worrying is worse when you're female. You're going to drive...at night! You didn't call and I was so worried I couldn't sleep. I guess I just came to a point when I said - who else is gonna love me this much? lol
chag kasher v'sameach
MH
chag kasher v'sameach
MH
This is almost totally off the topic (nice shades by the way -- who are you hiding from?) ... but I just happened to have been reading about a 614th Commandment (obviously not a real addendum to The Torah), which is not to grant Hitler posthumous victories, meaning ... don't assume a less Jewish life because the likes of that dirtbag decided to take mass target practice with them ... it would grant him a posthumous victoy.
I don't mean to bring such a dark topic into an obviously witty post, but I just needed to address that. Chag kasher v'sameach.
I don't mean to bring such a dark topic into an obviously witty post, but I just needed to address that. Chag kasher v'sameach.
There are some definitely advantages to being BT - I don't know if I would chalk that up to a non-worrying mom. I think it has more to do with her hippie years and Southern living.
And my brothers always had to take the trash out also.
And my brothers always had to take the trash out also.
D - Sociologically, I can understand where the personality trait stems from and how it is passed down. But gosh dang it, can't we change that now? It's so unecessary! And yes, Jewish men tend to be meek, another stereotype (which I would argue comes directly from having overbearing Jewish mothers). Can't we be normal?
P - Is it a wonder that I couldn't watch that show for more than 5 minutes without cringing?
MH - As the next generation, please, promise me you'll give your kids some space. Please?
S - Hmm, positive reinforcement. That does it, I'm staying out late and getting into a car accident. And then sewing myself up. That's the only way this'll stop. Because there's no chance I'm letting her spank me with the wooden spoon again.
E - Yeah, let's not let Hitler win. Let's not look behind our backs for every disaster to happen. Let's live with confidence. Both in our safety, and in our ability to serve Gd.
A - Actually, this must be the pyschology they teach you in Beit Yaakov. Make it all sound healthy. Sure I need somebody to remind me to take my medicine. Remind. Not guilt me. Not call to remind me to put a parachute in my car trunk in case I fall off a bridge.
Sh - Southern living. I've always been a big fan of southern Jews. Hachnasos Orchim has never been so ingrained. So you're lucky to be a product of so many wonderful worlds.
P - Is it a wonder that I couldn't watch that show for more than 5 minutes without cringing?
MH - As the next generation, please, promise me you'll give your kids some space. Please?
S - Hmm, positive reinforcement. That does it, I'm staying out late and getting into a car accident. And then sewing myself up. That's the only way this'll stop. Because there's no chance I'm letting her spank me with the wooden spoon again.
E - Yeah, let's not let Hitler win. Let's not look behind our backs for every disaster to happen. Let's live with confidence. Both in our safety, and in our ability to serve Gd.
A - Actually, this must be the pyschology they teach you in Beit Yaakov. Make it all sound healthy. Sure I need somebody to remind me to take my medicine. Remind. Not guilt me. Not call to remind me to put a parachute in my car trunk in case I fall off a bridge.
Sh - Southern living. I've always been a big fan of southern Jews. Hachnasos Orchim has never been so ingrained. So you're lucky to be a product of so many wonderful worlds.
I don't know why Jews always go on about Jewish mothers worrying, manipulating people through guilt and being invasive.
Neither my mother nor my grandmother are Jewish and they are worse on these scores than any Jewish mother I have ever heard of. Really.
If you want to not be manipulated by guilt, you can simply not allow yourself to be manipulated. It's called psychological independence. Just say no. Refuse to be taken on a guilt trip. It can be done.
Neither my mother nor my grandmother are Jewish and they are worse on these scores than any Jewish mother I have ever heard of. Really.
If you want to not be manipulated by guilt, you can simply not allow yourself to be manipulated. It's called psychological independence. Just say no. Refuse to be taken on a guilt trip. It can be done.
MH - Yes it was nice. And I'm a big believer that when we look at our parents and say "I hope I'm never like that," we can change, as long as we are conscious of our decisions throughout life. It also helpe if we understand the causes of the behavior. You can't say I hope I don't nag, if you don't understand that it comes from worrying. You have to uproot the worrying, because otherwise the nagging will come naturally.
Treif - Obviously, I can't question your empirical evidence. So I'll just say that this common trait is unattractive, and hopefully more people will live life rationally. Which includes me not feeding into it by being totally incompentent.
DG - Jewish boys are very strong - to each other. But it's one of those classic cases where we are totally tough outside the home, but as soon as it's a man and his wife, we all know who's boss. The women just give us enough rope to hang ourselves with.
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Treif - Obviously, I can't question your empirical evidence. So I'll just say that this common trait is unattractive, and hopefully more people will live life rationally. Which includes me not feeding into it by being totally incompentent.
DG - Jewish boys are very strong - to each other. But it's one of those classic cases where we are totally tough outside the home, but as soon as it's a man and his wife, we all know who's boss. The women just give us enough rope to hang ourselves with.
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