Thursday, June 29, 2006
Two Faced
The ugly face of hypocrisy appears to have reared itself in the comments on my last post. Not to kill the drama of my last sentence, but no actual hypocrisy- just the subject. Sounds like a great opportunity for me to spout off on yet another tangent in the frum blogosphere!
First - what is not hypocrisy. Many look at bloggers, and feel that they have created a second identity online for themselves. Things they would not sanction in real life, they partake of behind an electronic mask. And for others, they hide their numerous weaknesses behind a mirage of glistening data bits, putting on airs of near perfection online. (See Elster's post for extra reading.)
Seemingly unrelated, people throw around the term hypocrisy when it comes to frum people who sin. Whether it's somebody who wears a Yarmulke and swears, a girl who wears her skirt and goes to the beach, or, yes, even a homosexual. Attaching the appelation "Frum" connotes a certain lifestyle; not conforming to those expectations seems to contradict the "Frum" impression.
But I think both issues, the blogger's mask and the frum charade, are both related. And neither is necessarily hypocritical. Both issues betray the complexity of every human being, that we are pulled by good and evil. Might we want to be somebody online that we can't be in person, for whatever reason? Might we have sins on our hands that keep us from reaching the status of perfect Jew?
The answer, if you're like me, is a little of yes to both. I am not perfect, but I'd like to be. Does that make me a hypocrite? Does my failure to espouse a consistent perfection deny me the right to keep trying? Should I shave my beard until I conquer every last demon? Should you stop going to Shul until you stop speaking Lashon Hora? Obviously, this would be an absurd definition of hypocrisy.
Hypocrisy is voicing a view as universal, while not attempting to adhere to it yourself. It is not hypocritical to tell others to do something that I don't believe is incumbent on myself - this is merely a double standard. Similarly, it is not hypocrital to promote a universal truth but fail to live up to it. In my opinion, we all have weaknesses, but that by no means weakens the message. Might somebody write about the importance of Tzedakah but be considered cheap himself? Absolutely, and with no injustice. As long as he acknowledges that he is bound by the same ideal as all, his attempt at inspiring others to greater involvement is as much a mirror into his own soul as it is into theirs. It is only when one creates a ruckus over an ignored Mitzva, but doesn't acknowledge the need for his own growth in the Mitzva, that hypocrisy is breached.
And this is where blog identities and religious growth intertwine. There are many people out there whose eye's are in the sky even as their feet drag in the dirt. And on the flipside, there are those who float through the clouds, looking for a break to peak down at the exposed below. We all have masks, covering up our total self. This is the same idea as Purim, where we put a mask over our daily face and imbibe enough to let our guard down and let our spiritual selves mark our goals.
Whether we are hypocrites or aspirers to greater heights is not a matter of what we say vs. what we do, but simply a question of whether we are honest with ourselves about where we stand vs. where we want everyone to be. And that is something we can only decide for ourselves.
[Addendum - I couldn't fit this in above, but it was part of the impetus for the post, so I want to make sure I at least note it: In my opinion, the Lakewood style Kollel system is an example of hypocrisy. It states that as a universal truth, the derech for being frummer is exclusively the study of Torah. Somebody who isn't learning full time isn't showing the committment or capability to approach Gd fully. However, the system relies on people who do make money to support it. So it implicitly requires people to be "imperfect" in order to support the "perfect." To tell everyone to strive to learn full time while turning around and looking for a shidduch with a rich, working grandfather is hypocritical.]
First - what is not hypocrisy. Many look at bloggers, and feel that they have created a second identity online for themselves. Things they would not sanction in real life, they partake of behind an electronic mask. And for others, they hide their numerous weaknesses behind a mirage of glistening data bits, putting on airs of near perfection online. (See Elster's post for extra reading.)
Seemingly unrelated, people throw around the term hypocrisy when it comes to frum people who sin. Whether it's somebody who wears a Yarmulke and swears, a girl who wears her skirt and goes to the beach, or, yes, even a homosexual. Attaching the appelation "Frum" connotes a certain lifestyle; not conforming to those expectations seems to contradict the "Frum" impression.
But I think both issues, the blogger's mask and the frum charade, are both related. And neither is necessarily hypocritical. Both issues betray the complexity of every human being, that we are pulled by good and evil. Might we want to be somebody online that we can't be in person, for whatever reason? Might we have sins on our hands that keep us from reaching the status of perfect Jew?
The answer, if you're like me, is a little of yes to both. I am not perfect, but I'd like to be. Does that make me a hypocrite? Does my failure to espouse a consistent perfection deny me the right to keep trying? Should I shave my beard until I conquer every last demon? Should you stop going to Shul until you stop speaking Lashon Hora? Obviously, this would be an absurd definition of hypocrisy.
Hypocrisy is voicing a view as universal, while not attempting to adhere to it yourself. It is not hypocritical to tell others to do something that I don't believe is incumbent on myself - this is merely a double standard. Similarly, it is not hypocrital to promote a universal truth but fail to live up to it. In my opinion, we all have weaknesses, but that by no means weakens the message. Might somebody write about the importance of Tzedakah but be considered cheap himself? Absolutely, and with no injustice. As long as he acknowledges that he is bound by the same ideal as all, his attempt at inspiring others to greater involvement is as much a mirror into his own soul as it is into theirs. It is only when one creates a ruckus over an ignored Mitzva, but doesn't acknowledge the need for his own growth in the Mitzva, that hypocrisy is breached.
And this is where blog identities and religious growth intertwine. There are many people out there whose eye's are in the sky even as their feet drag in the dirt. And on the flipside, there are those who float through the clouds, looking for a break to peak down at the exposed below. We all have masks, covering up our total self. This is the same idea as Purim, where we put a mask over our daily face and imbibe enough to let our guard down and let our spiritual selves mark our goals.
Whether we are hypocrites or aspirers to greater heights is not a matter of what we say vs. what we do, but simply a question of whether we are honest with ourselves about where we stand vs. where we want everyone to be. And that is something we can only decide for ourselves.
[Addendum - I couldn't fit this in above, but it was part of the impetus for the post, so I want to make sure I at least note it: In my opinion, the Lakewood style Kollel system is an example of hypocrisy. It states that as a universal truth, the derech for being frummer is exclusively the study of Torah. Somebody who isn't learning full time isn't showing the committment or capability to approach Gd fully. However, the system relies on people who do make money to support it. So it implicitly requires people to be "imperfect" in order to support the "perfect." To tell everyone to strive to learn full time while turning around and looking for a shidduch with a rich, working grandfather is hypocritical.]
# posted by Josh : Thursday, June 29, 2006
Comments:
<< Home
There is a major difference between (1) doing an aveira out of weakness and (2) doing it out of a philosophical commitment to that aveira or to a belief system that allows or advocates that aveira.
In some cases, people go from (1) to (2) to ease or disable their conscience.
Someone in condition (1) has a far better chance of doing teshuva.
Now, what about something (e.g., learning part-time and not full-time) that is regarding as a failing by some, but is not actually an aveira? To deal with this properly, a person needs a suitable spiritual guide to get good personal advice.
In some cases, people go from (1) to (2) to ease or disable their conscience.
Someone in condition (1) has a far better chance of doing teshuva.
Now, what about something (e.g., learning part-time and not full-time) that is regarding as a failing by some, but is not actually an aveira? To deal with this properly, a person needs a suitable spiritual guide to get good personal advice.
# posted by 
: June 30, 2006 9:37 AM
: June 30, 2006 9:37 AM
The other night I was on a very nice date with a guy who used to be yeshiva bochur, black hat and all. Now he was totally secular and ordering soft shell crab for dinner. Yet still he respected Judaism and the yeshiva world and thought it was a wonderful system, at least from the inside, most of the time.
We talked about this idea of inconsistancy and hypocrisy, as it related to Judaism as well as punk rock lifestyles.
We agreed that total consistency in either is essentially impossible in the modern real world. As far as punk, it is basically impossible to be truly authentic as a punk and still feed your family, etc.
Like many former frumsters he backed away from frumkeit because of the way he said many rabbis were out of touch with reality and yet gave people advice that they took seriously which ultimately led to some hardship or another, as well as women's issues.
I made the point that no Jew is perfect no matter how hard they try. For every Jew who keeps Shabbes and kashrut perfectly and davens 3 times a day (if they are men) there is something else that they are not doing. Maybe they engage in lashon hara. Maybe they cheat people in business. Maybe they do horrible things like that Rav Kolko in Brooklyn.
We are all human. A system like Judaism, IMHO, should be looked at more as guidelines that point you in the direction of being the best person you can be. But to really and truly do it all is impossible and so the only solution is to forgive oneself and others for their particular failings - especially if they acknowledge the validity of the guidelines in general. Otherwise you will drive yourself nuts.
We talked about this idea of inconsistancy and hypocrisy, as it related to Judaism as well as punk rock lifestyles.
We agreed that total consistency in either is essentially impossible in the modern real world. As far as punk, it is basically impossible to be truly authentic as a punk and still feed your family, etc.
Like many former frumsters he backed away from frumkeit because of the way he said many rabbis were out of touch with reality and yet gave people advice that they took seriously which ultimately led to some hardship or another, as well as women's issues.
I made the point that no Jew is perfect no matter how hard they try. For every Jew who keeps Shabbes and kashrut perfectly and davens 3 times a day (if they are men) there is something else that they are not doing. Maybe they engage in lashon hara. Maybe they cheat people in business. Maybe they do horrible things like that Rav Kolko in Brooklyn.
We are all human. A system like Judaism, IMHO, should be looked at more as guidelines that point you in the direction of being the best person you can be. But to really and truly do it all is impossible and so the only solution is to forgive oneself and others for their particular failings - especially if they acknowledge the validity of the guidelines in general. Otherwise you will drive yourself nuts.
Treifalicious. We are all indeed human, and therefore imperfect. No doubt Hillel (one of the most famous Tannaim) had this in mind when he stated: “Judge not your friend until you stand in his place,” as quoted in Ethics of Our Fathers (Ch. 2). For no human is perfect, and as such no one individual has the right to judge another. The imperfection of the human is also the basis for the advice provided by R' Shimon (also in Ethics of Our Fathers, Ch. 2) ‘Think not of your-self as evil,’ for (almost) everyone will inevitably fall short, and to get depressed over every error will indeed make one crazy.
However, I would be very hesitant to label Halacha as mere ‘guidelines’. The term Mitzvah translates not as recommendation or advice, but Commandment; and Rashi (Numbers, 15,41) states that the commandments are not given as opportunities to obtain reward, but that they are obligations. To justify behavior that is contrary to the teachings of the Torah, claiming that because no-one’s perfect we need not bother to try, is taking a BIG responsibility. G-d Almighty knows better than anyone that we are far from perfect, yet before a soul descends into the body of an unborn child, it is made to swear that it will be a Tzaddik (Babylonian Talmud, Niddah. Ch. 3). It is demanded, of every Jew that he/she strive for perfection in service to his/her Creator, and take short-falls seriously, endeavoring to make subsequent improvements whilst not getting overly depressed about them.
However, I would be very hesitant to label Halacha as mere ‘guidelines’. The term Mitzvah translates not as recommendation or advice, but Commandment; and Rashi (Numbers, 15,41) states that the commandments are not given as opportunities to obtain reward, but that they are obligations. To justify behavior that is contrary to the teachings of the Torah, claiming that because no-one’s perfect we need not bother to try, is taking a BIG responsibility. G-d Almighty knows better than anyone that we are far from perfect, yet before a soul descends into the body of an unborn child, it is made to swear that it will be a Tzaddik (Babylonian Talmud, Niddah. Ch. 3). It is demanded, of every Jew that he/she strive for perfection in service to his/her Creator, and take short-falls seriously, endeavoring to make subsequent improvements whilst not getting overly depressed about them.
In my opinion Hypocrisy is someone that preaches one thing and does not even make an effort to practice what he preaches.
A Father that has a smoking problem and really tries hard to smoke..is not a hypocrite if he tells his son not to smoke.
If on the other hand he makes no effort at all and doesnt even feel bad about it...then he's a hyppocrite if he preaches not to.
The same is with spirituality.
A Father that has a smoking problem and really tries hard to smoke..is not a hypocrite if he tells his son not to smoke.
If on the other hand he makes no effort at all and doesnt even feel bad about it...then he's a hyppocrite if he preaches not to.
The same is with spirituality.
Like many things in life, we are so quick to judge others. Until you are in somebody else shoes, don't judge them. As Pirkei Avos so eloquently states..."al tadin et chavercha ad she'tagiah l'mimkomo" (2:5) We don't know other people's thought processes, how can we be so quick to determine that tehy are a hypocrite. As david pointed out, maybe that person is trying REALLY hard to quit, and he just can't do it. Maybe by telling someone else not to smoke, he's attempting at preventing that person from ending up in a similar situation to his own.
Dr. Sooll - I fel like we are saying teh same basic thing. I am aware of teh meaning of mitzvah containing witin it the word "command".
We all really should feel obligated by each and every mitzvah, but what do you tell the guy (liek my date and many other people I know who are either FFBs or Ba'alei Tshuva who are off the derech) who did all the basic mitzvot and has lost belief in the basic underpinnings of those commands, while thinking that the system taken as a whole is a good one in general?
Are people who insist on davening in shuls with mixed seating where women lead services including reading from the Torah then required to take this as a serious violation of halacha for which they should feel guilty and try to correct?
You know that the people there don't accept the reasons the religious world gives them for women NOT being allowed to do these things in an Orthodox shul. Should they repeatedly go through the motions of going to shul and davening just to accomplish the mitzvah without really believing in what they are doing? Or, perhaps, the women could stay home and never go to shul except on major holidays like Yom Kippur as many (especially amongst the Sephardim and Mizrachim) do in Israel?
Who is the bigger hypocrite, the one living the most inconsistently? The one who keeps only some mitzvot and not others or the one who keeps all the most visible mitzvot (Shabbat, kashrut, etc.) but doesn't believe in one iota of it?
We all really should feel obligated by each and every mitzvah, but what do you tell the guy (liek my date and many other people I know who are either FFBs or Ba'alei Tshuva who are off the derech) who did all the basic mitzvot and has lost belief in the basic underpinnings of those commands, while thinking that the system taken as a whole is a good one in general?
Are people who insist on davening in shuls with mixed seating where women lead services including reading from the Torah then required to take this as a serious violation of halacha for which they should feel guilty and try to correct?
You know that the people there don't accept the reasons the religious world gives them for women NOT being allowed to do these things in an Orthodox shul. Should they repeatedly go through the motions of going to shul and davening just to accomplish the mitzvah without really believing in what they are doing? Or, perhaps, the women could stay home and never go to shul except on major holidays like Yom Kippur as many (especially amongst the Sephardim and Mizrachim) do in Israel?
Who is the bigger hypocrite, the one living the most inconsistently? The one who keeps only some mitzvot and not others or the one who keeps all the most visible mitzvot (Shabbat, kashrut, etc.) but doesn't believe in one iota of it?
Hypocrisy is one of the main reasons why people become disgusted by Judaism and leave. It's such a tragedy. As a teacher, one of the biggest things I wanted my students to understand was that a person can be religious and mess up. A person can believe in G-d and still sin. It's called free will; it's called humanity; it's called the yetzer harah. All creations of G-d -which is why Hashem allows us to return to Him with teshuva.
And thank G-d for that, because I'll be the first to admit my many, many, oish, many imperfections. So many, in fact, that I also wonder if I am being hypocritical by looking, sounding frum when I mess up so often. But I know which way I want to go, and even if I stumble, I know I can get up and get farther. So, no, I'm not being hypocritical.
By the way, whoever mentioned the importance of judging favorably -oh, yeah! It is THE key to mitzvos bein adam l'chaveiro and bein adam l'makom. So just do it.
And thank G-d for that, because I'll be the first to admit my many, many, oish, many imperfections. So many, in fact, that I also wonder if I am being hypocritical by looking, sounding frum when I mess up so often. But I know which way I want to go, and even if I stumble, I know I can get up and get farther. So, no, I'm not being hypocritical.
By the way, whoever mentioned the importance of judging favorably -oh, yeah! It is THE key to mitzvos bein adam l'chaveiro and bein adam l'makom. So just do it.
I spent a whole bunch of quality time with your brother this weekend...we've gotta get him a blog, too!
(Ask him about it, he'll tell you the whooooole story).
(Ask him about it, he'll tell you the whooooole story).
Excellently said, okee.
-
I feel that a person is hypocritical only when they don't do what they tell others.
But if they're trying to improve a certain trait and they give others advice about improving that trait, that's fine because they're also trying.
Judging favorably is very important.
Post a Comment
-
I feel that a person is hypocritical only when they don't do what they tell others.
But if they're trying to improve a certain trait and they give others advice about improving that trait, that's fine because they're also trying.
Judging favorably is very important.
<< Home
