Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Missed Flights, Missed Simchas, Missed Opportunities
I'm a pretty easy going kind of guy. I don't get upset when things don't go as planned. I'm adaptable, and I can put things in perspective. But somehow, I'm just left unsettled by my scorecard from this past weekend. One missed flight, three missed weddings. I can't do it all, and I accept that. So it must be Gd's plan that I made the events I did and missed others.
But why doesn't it sit right? Why am I upset that I wasn't there? I don't miss the Shmorgs, the music, or the dancing. I don't even think it's the opportunity to see my friends. I'm pretty sure it's the fairly pure motivation of bringing Simcha to the Chassan and Kallah. I mean, it's a slight possibility that I just want to meet the bridesmaids (but I am NOT a stalker!), but I really think it's pretty Lishma. I know that while everybody else is gorging their stomaches, I can help keeping the energy level up on the dance floor.
I know, how modest. But it can make a difference - how many weddings have you been at where the Bride's and Groom's enjoyment seemed of lesser import than the guests' own? How many people leave the wedding early to catch up on chores? How many people shy off the dance floor when the song isn't their favorite? But how many people are willing to make a fool of themselves to make a party fly?
So if for whatever reason I don't make it to a wedding, I feel like I missed an opportunity to make a difference.
But I don't think my main concern is that the wedding wouldn't happen without me. I think the bigger issue is that I feel like I'm letting down my friends by being absent on their big day. People take their big day very seriously, and I've noticed that brides and grooms take their attendance list just as seriously. Those that don't make it create what seems to be an unspoken rift in their relationship. Sent back the response card "no?" Don't bother calling again. And I don't want to injure any of my friendships, because I value how important this day is to them.
So when everyone sings "Mazel Tov!" and I'm left far away, I feel like quite the Shlamazel. And that is a big part of why I'm moving. Of course, it looks like I'll have two weddings coming up in Chicago. What a shlamazel!
But why doesn't it sit right? Why am I upset that I wasn't there? I don't miss the Shmorgs, the music, or the dancing. I don't even think it's the opportunity to see my friends. I'm pretty sure it's the fairly pure motivation of bringing Simcha to the Chassan and Kallah. I mean, it's a slight possibility that I just want to meet the bridesmaids (but I am NOT a stalker!), but I really think it's pretty Lishma. I know that while everybody else is gorging their stomaches, I can help keeping the energy level up on the dance floor.
I know, how modest. But it can make a difference - how many weddings have you been at where the Bride's and Groom's enjoyment seemed of lesser import than the guests' own? How many people leave the wedding early to catch up on chores? How many people shy off the dance floor when the song isn't their favorite? But how many people are willing to make a fool of themselves to make a party fly?
So if for whatever reason I don't make it to a wedding, I feel like I missed an opportunity to make a difference.
But I don't think my main concern is that the wedding wouldn't happen without me. I think the bigger issue is that I feel like I'm letting down my friends by being absent on their big day. People take their big day very seriously, and I've noticed that brides and grooms take their attendance list just as seriously. Those that don't make it create what seems to be an unspoken rift in their relationship. Sent back the response card "no?" Don't bother calling again. And I don't want to injure any of my friendships, because I value how important this day is to them.
So when everyone sings "Mazel Tov!" and I'm left far away, I feel like quite the Shlamazel. And that is a big part of why I'm moving. Of course, it looks like I'll have two weddings coming up in Chicago. What a shlamazel!
# posted by Josh : Wednesday, July 05, 2006
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Not true, Josh. We certainly enjoyed having you there - we were quite touched by it, as a matter of fact. But, there were people on our guest list who, for one reason or another, just couldn't make it to the wedding. I have no hard feelings toward them at all. In fact, the wedding seems so far away now and of lessening importance - a wedding is just one day. Hopefully, friends are longer than that.
'tis true Josh. We do whatever it takes to bring a smile to the faces of the chattan and kalla, even at the expense of making a fool of ourselves, but it's all worth it when you look over as you're doing a cartwheel, or a kossack dance and see a look of amazement.
Heh, I'll let you know the next one I'm going to...I almost killed somebody on Tuesday night coming within 2 inches of kicking him in the headduring a cartwheel.
AS - Definitely the way it should be. Some expected ones can't make it, some unexpected ones do make it, but it's the event that you're celebrating, not the "who's who" that makes it memorable for years to come.
MH - I'm either more dedicated to work than my friends, or naive that I could never cut it too close. Of course, if I was a New Yorker, I would've cut in line. Or at least not taken the TSA lady's response that, "That line's for employees only," at face value.
DYS - That's why the two of us are so fun at parties...
Shosh - I certainly hope it's not for the guests. They didn't do anything to celebrate. Interesting viewpoint...
DYS, MH, Shosh - See my Google Video for DYS in (in)action.
Anon - I'm glad to see somebody missed me...
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MH - I'm either more dedicated to work than my friends, or naive that I could never cut it too close. Of course, if I was a New Yorker, I would've cut in line. Or at least not taken the TSA lady's response that, "That line's for employees only," at face value.
DYS - That's why the two of us are so fun at parties...
Shosh - I certainly hope it's not for the guests. They didn't do anything to celebrate. Interesting viewpoint...
DYS, MH, Shosh - See my Google Video for DYS in (in)action.
Anon - I'm glad to see somebody missed me...
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