Why Josh Can't Be Left Alone

you need the shvil hazahav. as much as it's good to be aware of your mortality, you don't want to be obsessed with it to the point that you forget about living (and enjoying) your life. re the first part of your post - it's very important when praying, not to take for granted the good things you have (whether they be health, a good living, family) and pray for their continuance. we tend to focus on what we don't have, because that's where we feel the lack.
 

Wonderful post, Josh. I have had similar thoughts many times over the past year or so. I wish it was as easy to actualize as to think about.
 

Just because you casually hugged someone in your dream does not mean that you are completely off the derech. Try looking at it in a different perspective, that maybe it's time to take looking for a wife a bit more seriously. I was learning lsat night, parshas Bereishis and I came across the famous pasuk...'lo tov l'hiyot adam l'vado'. There is a reason each one needs a wife. Maybe your dream was subconciously telling you that maybe in that sense you need to change.

In addition, bringing simcha to someone's chassana is not exactly the worst thing to be remembered by (yes, that was sarcastic for those that don't know me).

As MH pointed out, Hashem does not want you not to enjoy life. He made it for us to enjoy, you just need to find the right balance.

Good Luck -- and as they say: "shone makom, shone mazal", maybe NY will be different.
 

Hey Josh ... goodness, I miss commenting on your blog, but that post really spoke to me ... I'd hate to relate it to myself, but just recently I was going through (if I read into this correctly) something very similar, in that a few years ago I considered myself almost a spiritual superpower, totally on the derech, doing the right thing and living to serve G*d, davening with enormous kavana, and for reasons I can figure out, I've lost it ... *poof*
... Thus, I've tried searching and doing, practicing ... paying shiva calls, tzedaka, doing whatever I can to regain what it was I've lost, whatever 'it' was, to no avail, and ... I guess, if - like I said - I read this correctly, then I totally dig where you're coming from, and I guess the only thing I could say, or deduce from this is ... at least our intentions are good, and we try to be the best we could be, despite opposing forces.
 

Oh come on, you think you're not as strong because you've been having more fun than you've been going to funerals? This sounds like a totally Christian idea of witholding pleasure to bring yourself closer to God.
 

im with dys on this one, you are way too harsh on yourself. soemtimes when we get harsh its because we feel like we're losing control in one aspect and we get harsh in another to make up for it..
i agree with inmymind, maybe that dream only means this is the time to focus on findnig a wife..or maybe it means youre a healthy male, thank g-d!
or maybe.. it was indigestion?
 

I heard something interesting about Rabbis speaking in shul. A friend's father told me that while growing up there was never a shuir in the middle of davening since that was interpreted as an interruption in their teffilah. He mentioned that when at a shul where there is a dvar torah in the middle there is more talking during davening. And thinking about that I couldn't prove him wrong, as much as I really like the dvar Torah that the Rabbi of my shul gives.
Point 2. Rabbi Nachmun says it is a great mitzvah to be happy. Why? It's easier for humans to focus on depressing things in life, and at times it is harder to be happy. Not only to be happy but to remember Hashem while we are happy and to really say Moda Ani. You cannot really compare two mitzvahs and say one is better than the other, because this is about personal growth. Maybe for you it is a bigger mitzvah to be at a "feast" maybe not, but it's often what is harder for you to do that reaps the most rewards. Dreaming about people is often scary and according to a psychotherapist I know, the dream usually means what the dreamer thinks it means. If it motivated you to do a mitzvah that's good, but you actually have to be open and honest with yourself to really know what your dream meant.
 

Sorry I've been so absent. I have a lot going on. I'm still reading everything - on my blog and yours - regularly, but between my upcoming move and some other projects I'm working on, I have very little time to write.

MH - Didn't mean to sound overly morbid. I suppose the point of my post was that we should be balanced - and that requires focusing on the good, when we have it, and on the bad, even when it is not directly ours. So I didn't mean to suggest that we only hang out at funerals, but it's not good that I only thought of the four weddings I had last weekend either.

Sh-ana - Thanks, it's definitely hard to learn and grow, even when we recognize the opportunity. I think that is part of forcing yourself into different situations - going to that shiva house, or even crashing a wedding - so that we can shake up that status quo.

IMM - I don't think my dream was telling me about the urgency of getting married, but it may be asking myself whether I am who I want to be. The other aspect of my dream that I didn't include in the post was that a girl I had dated was watching as I hugged this other girl. I didn't care that this girl hugged me, but I was embarassed that the girl I dated was watching. I had this overwhelming sense during the dream that while I was Shomer Negia, I just didn't care any more. That's where I feel that the message was more man/Gd than man/woman. Of course, yeah, being married would help.

Sh - Yeah, I try and be brief, and my posts are still too long for my tastes. Ultimately, I'm trying to rebalance myself, and that includes letting myself get reexposed to Aveilus. Not that I'm obsessed, but I can't just live for the party. As the Aveil said at the Hesped, "We need to live for a good cause, not for a good time." That's a message that can be forgotten at a shmorgasbord.

E - First of all, I'm just happy that you're here. I'm glad you have shelter, food, and, most importantly, internet. You've been going through tough times, and I think it is that interplay between our physical daily lives and our spiritual growth that is exactly at the root of my post. Good things happen to us and bad things happen to us. They also happen to other people. We can grow by our own experiences or through others'. But we have to try new things when it's not working, until eventually we have a healthy outlook on life. A bi Gezunt!

DYS - I'm not advocating lives of pain over pleasure here. This isn't a Christian philosophy. I quoted King Solomon. The frum world is obsessed with parties, even if they are for simchas, in an almost dangerous way. We've taken the bar-hopping, clubbing carefee lifestyle of the secular world and translated it into our ghettoes. There's no problem in a lchaim for a mazel tov. But are we really drinking for the simcha, or for the same reason that any banker does on 2nd Avenue?

Mookie - Don't worry, I'm not being harsh. Just enjoying a new opportunity to learn. I'm not dropping out of any weddings, just rounding out my schedule. It is just that balance that I need to recover. And don't worry, it was a clean dream!

DG - Great words. You've made an important point - we all have different sources of inspiration. I tend to be easygoing and prone to Leitzanus (clowning around). To balance this out, I have a growth opportunity in going to funerals. But somebody who is prone to depression would gain much more from the wedding! Nothing works for everyone, and it is up to each of us to find what will help us most. As some commenters pointed out, it is the balance which is most important, so it's good to experience a little of everything, especially if it doesn't come naturally. We definitely are influenced by our surroundings. The most important thing, as always, is to keep our eyes focused upwards. When aiming up, it doesn't matter whether you're coming from North, South, East or West.

Intransit - Interesting observation. I would posit that shuls where the Rabbis give a sermon are usually composed of congregants with less backgrounds in Torah learning. In fact, that is the point of the sermon - to grab what attention the Rabbi can to inculcate Torah values. People with less background are more likely to be unfamiliar with the Halachic ideas of Davening, and I could therefore understand why they might talk more. If true. As far as Rebbe Nachman, I'm not going to say that happiness is more important than seriousness. You need both. The only way to find the right balance is to realize that our lives our to serve Hashem, and to contstantly and honestly reevualate whether this is the direction we are going. If not, we can each judge for ourselves whether it is love or fear, happiness or sadness, that will get us there. If this is what my dream was telling me, than it's exactly what I needed.
 

I wanted to add one point that dietgarage reminded me of -- "ivdu et Hashem B'simcha" -- The best way to serve Hashem is with Joy. Going to funerals is not exactly the best way to spur greater commitment to Hashem.
 

I hate to tell you this but your theory is wrong and I can say that because I've seen it. There are shuls where the congregants are all religious and the Rabbi still speaks. You might need to shul-hop to see that but it exists. Actually at some shuls (I don't want to point fingers) the more relgious people are the ones talking during davening; why because they know exactly where they technically can talk.
 

I work on Nassau, not 2nd Ave. Anyways, I gave my 2 weeks notice.
 

Don't tell me you're poofing, too! I have an excuse, why don't you write more?