Why Josh Can't Be Left Alone

i agree. I think too much stress is put on to getting married and popping out as many kids and quickly as you can. before you know it, you are 26 with 3 kids, living in a small apartment, and you're heavily in debt. i am all for having children - i love children. Carla and I are waiting until we can support ourselves and in turn our family financially before we have children.
However, just to argue, there are people on the other end who say that people shouldn't have children until their 30s and 40s when they are so involved in their careers that they have no time for their children and someone else raises them. that is part of the reason why in the USA people are averaging less children than ever before - an average family has 1.8 kids, not even enough to replace themselves.
My point is - have children when it makes sense for you, not too early (21 or 22 - that's a little crazy i think) or too late (39 or 40 - that's pretty late to start having kids).
 

It seems to me that the effort to reinforce the importance of family in the frum world is important, but that the message has been unwittingly distorted or improperly received. They shouldn't be putting up blinders, but they should be doing what the message says: make family important. Important never meant, means, or will mean sole focus at the expense of everything else, at least not in my religious dictionary. But then again my dictionary would probably be banned in some circles.
 

How do you have 1.8 kids?
 

chanie,
it's an average. not saying thata person can have 1 full kid and another that's only .8 kid. but when you average together how many kids each family has it's 1.8.

and in response to marc's comment:
you say to "have kids when it makes sense for you"... then in the same sentence say that 21 is too early and 39 is too late. for some people 21 does make sense and for others 39 makes sense. ... i know this is being nit-picky, but i think people should be consistent.

willwork, i'd have to say that i completely agree with your take on it.

and since this is josh's blog, i should probably comment on what he said also... what's the purpose in having kids? well, for one, it says to in the Torah...and another, so you can raise another generation of jews who can be a light unto the nations. you're right, if someone is just having kids and not raising them, it's just plain dumb for them to have kids. but most of the time people aren't just having kids to have them. people are having kids so that they can teach them... so that they can feel that they've had a fullfilling life. i was not brought up to believe that my place is to ONLY be a wife and mother. but, i realize, that for me, that is what i want my life to be. i want to be defined by how i take care of my husband and children. i want my whole life to revolve around my family and not have to worry about pleasing anyone else. i don't want to have to worry about what a boss expects from me. and just because i choose not to work (though i will have to work for a bit until my husband makes a solid income) doesn't mean i can't learn new things in my spare time. i mean, do people honestly think that housewives stay at home all day cooking and cleaning... or shopping? it's silly to think that way. just because someone chooses to focus on only family, it does not make them "blind"... okay, i'm not sure if any of that makes sense and it was quite ranty... i apologize.
 

I think as long as the family remains the center, then everything else also has a place....but the center is the family, and when it isn't you end up with divorces and kids who go off, because they feel that they aren't valued.
 

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It's great to imagine and/or speculate about what life is like with a house full of kids, but until you are living it, it doesn't make much sense to talk about what people *should* do. A two-career family is difficult at best and requires that both partners be very actively involved in running the household. Are you prepared to do that Josh? Will you stay home from work for 3 days when your 10 year-old has the flu? Will you stay up all night before a big meeting in the morning with a sick 2 year-old? Who will prepare dinner (and make lunches for school the next day) when you both come home exhausted after a full day at work?


These are not intended to be defensive (or attacking) questions... they are real situations. Running a household is a complex, difficult job that requires a great deal of skill and talent, but gets very little recognition -- and the pay STINKS! People (usually women) do it out of love and devotion -- and your perspective, while "enlightened" in some ways, is demeaning in other ways.

Try it before you knock it, Joshy baby.
 

Josh,

Not sure how you define a "full life" except by what it's not (i.e. not just about popping out babies...). Try to define it in the positive. Complete the following sentence, "A full life is when...." Gimme the particulars, the details.

Did you ever see the movie "The Notebook"? In the beginning, Duke says, "I am no one special, just a common man with common thoughts. I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me, and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect, I've succeeded as gloriously as anyone who ever lived. I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and for me, that has always been enough."

Finally, wanna know how to define a full life? Pay a shiva call and sit quietly, listening to the family. Look around and see who is there and why. Few people, on their deathbed, wish that they could do one more week of community service, or that they had done more academically. At the moment of truth,it is who and how we have loved that matters.

When you hold your first child in your arms (and let's hope for the child's sake that it happens at that moment), I'm guessing that your perspective will change.