Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Failure
There isn't anything you can't do. That's what I thought. A little renaissance man. Prove to everyone that you can have your cake and swallow it.
I've always wanted to be that ideal - the best of all worlds. To hold a respected job, to be a Talmid Chocham, to lead the community when nobody else can, and to just lend a hand when there is somebody else. It's really not so hard. Yeah, you have to cut out the idleness from your schedule, so that you can prepare for your next call of duty, whether it be laining this weeks parsha or putting together a program for the shul's youth.
But this Yom Tov, I proved myself wrong.
They needed somebody to lain Haftorah, but I don't know the trop. They wanted a shaliach tzibbur for Hallel, but I had no tunes. They wanted a Dvar Torah, but all I could do was stare at a Chumash. I ran a Tisch for my friends, but couldn't hold it together.
I was wrong. I'm not Mr. Saviour. But I don't think it's because it's not possible. It was an even worse realization - Either I just don't have the specific traits and skills necessary to pull it off, or because I'm holding back from demonstrating those talents because I'm afraid of stepping out of my comfort zone.
Either way, it doesn't bode well for your hero.
I've always wanted to be that ideal - the best of all worlds. To hold a respected job, to be a Talmid Chocham, to lead the community when nobody else can, and to just lend a hand when there is somebody else. It's really not so hard. Yeah, you have to cut out the idleness from your schedule, so that you can prepare for your next call of duty, whether it be laining this weeks parsha or putting together a program for the shul's youth.
But this Yom Tov, I proved myself wrong.
They needed somebody to lain Haftorah, but I don't know the trop. They wanted a shaliach tzibbur for Hallel, but I had no tunes. They wanted a Dvar Torah, but all I could do was stare at a Chumash. I ran a Tisch for my friends, but couldn't hold it together.
I was wrong. I'm not Mr. Saviour. But I don't think it's because it's not possible. It was an even worse realization - Either I just don't have the specific traits and skills necessary to pull it off, or because I'm holding back from demonstrating those talents because I'm afraid of stepping out of my comfort zone.
Either way, it doesn't bode well for your hero.
